Dealing with he said and she said

Dealing with he said and she said Dealing with he said and she said Dealing with he said and she said By Maeve Maddox I once had a high school English teacher who encouraged her students to use as many synonyms for said as possible, for example: he gasped, she grumbled, and they snorted. Maybe she was just trying to get us to stretch our vocabularies. These days, writers prefer the simple word said, feeling that its more colorful synonyms tend to distract the reader. There are, of course, exceptions. If a character is asking a question, a word like asked is a more logical choice. An occasional shouted or screamed is also permissible in moments of extreme duress for the characters. Sometimes, however, even the he saids can slow conversational flow. Im presently revising a mystery novel, deleting every unnecessary word I find. Here are some of the revisions Ive made to get rid of speech attributions that are not absolutely necessary. Example one: Hello again, Miss Dunbar, he said, motioning for her to sit. I’m afraid you’re not having a very pleasant holiday.â€Å" People do seem to be dying in my vicinity,† she said. REVISION: Hello again, Miss Dunbar. I’m afraid you’re not having a very pleasant holiday. He motioned for her to sit. People do seem to be dying in my vicinity. Since only two people are in the room, attributions are unnecessary. I get rid of the first said by rearranging the sentence, allowing the mans gesture to identify him as the speaker. The second said is unnecessary because only two people are present. Example two: Weve found the murder weapon, Sir, the policeman said, holding out what he was carrying on a towel. Sallie looked at the object in bewilderment. It looks like a flute, she said. It is a flute, Dave said. A flute that shoots .22 caliber bullets. REVISION: Weve found the murder weapon, Sir. The officer was carrying something on a towel. Sallie looked at the object in bewilderment. It looks like a flute. It is a flute, Dave said. A flute that shoots .22 caliber bullets. I get rid of the first two saids by letting gestures identify the speakers. I keep the third attribution to make clear which of the three men present is speaking. Sometimes a character thinks something without saying it aloud. Example Three: The policeman waited for Sallie to get onto the escalator in front of him. So I cant make a break for it, Sallie thought. REVISION: The policeman waited for Sallie to get onto the escalator in front of him. So I cant make a break for it. I get rid of Sallie thought by typing the thought itself in italics. The scene is being narrated from Sallies point of view. REMINDER: This is not a matter to worry about as you write the first, or even second, draft of your novel. Throw in all the saids and snorteds you like. Save the pruning for the final revision. Want to improve your English in five minutes a day? Get a subscription and start receiving our writing tips and exercises daily! Keep learning! Browse the Fiction Writing category, check our popular posts, or choose a related post below:50 Handy Expressions About HandsAt Your DisposalEach vs. Both